The Major Effects of Divorce Upon Children

If a divorce takes place, the child is the most affected.

The question is: what does it mean the word “divorce”?

The divorce is the juridical modality by which a marriage is dissolved. Here are some causes : the immaturity of the couple, their incapacity to collaborate and to know each other ; economical freedom of the woman ; there are not enough places to live for new couples; the social mentally about divorce has changed.

The couple who get married nowadays expect to obtain through marriage personal happiness-unlike the precedent generation who were satisfied only if the partner had a satisfactory behavior in the family . That is why the hopes about happiness in marriage are quickly transformed into disappointment. So marriages based on expressive needs and less on the instrumental needs (having children, taking care of them) leads to a greater legal liberty of development of the couple which have these problems.

Scientists have found six stages of the divorce process:

1.The emotional divorce –appears before the physical separation;

2.The legal divorce –the juridical disolvation of the marriage;

3.The economical divorce-the separation of the couple and of the goods that they have shared ;

4.The parental divorce-usually the mother takes care of the minor children while the other parent has the right to visit them;

5.The social divorce –the couple does not have the same circle of friends;

6.The psychological divorce –the freedom which appears after the divorce ;

The consequences of the divorce are different in each case because the context is different :

a)if there are no children the separation takes place easier. Usually man re-marry much faster than women do.

b)if there are children everything is more complicated :whom these children belong to?

For the children the context is unclear and it is going to be hard for them to be self-independent. The child has to answer question like :”To whom do I belong?” He is going to have contradictory feelings about the other parent. The child might even think that because of him his parents broke up; be may also feel guilty if he starts to care about a step-parent.

Children are always aware and troubled by the conflicts between their parents even if we do not speak about a divorce, children should feel that they can speak about their problems with both of their parents. It is very important foe children to believe in both parents and the parents should be more attentive when they say different words to one another.

The children should hear the word “divorce” only when it is for sure that the divorce will take place. Only when they should talk about it and not only once but much many times. For little children, mother and father are the center of the universe. Only if you suggest that they will split it is as if it will be the end of the world. Therefore a divorce should be explained much carefully to children ;you should tell them that they will live with their mother most of the time; that father will live nearly (or very far away ); that father will still love them and that he will continue to be their father; that they can spend time with their father when they are free and that they can write letters or call him whenever they want.

It is very important to give children many occasions to put questions. You will be amazed to notice that they could have a wrong impression about divorce :they might think that their parents are going to break up because of them, or that after the divorce they will lose both parents and will be send to a foster-home.

UNIVERSITATEA ANDREI SAGUNA

FACULTATE DE PSIHOLOGIE

SPECIALIZAREA PSIHOLOGIE

ANUL II